


Close Your Eyes, It's me

by rubysilk98



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, model junmyeon, photographer sehun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 07:09:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15334563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubysilk98/pseuds/rubysilk98
Summary: Sehun spends his Valentine's Day with the love of his life. No matter how madly in love they are, don't every couple has secrets between them? In this case, it's not just any secret.(Warning(s): Mentions of self-harm)





	Close Your Eyes, It's me

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this last year for EXO Limelight 2017. Here's some Seho/Hunho but since i'm a krisho trash as well, you'll be able to see them a little ;)

7k words

* * *

 

 

 

Sehun loves Valentine’s Day.

 

 

It is simply his favourite day of the year. The best part of it is he gets to spend the whole day with the love of his life.

 

Kim Junmyeon is that person.

 

Sehun flutters his eyes open. It is the Sun’s turn to do its job in making the room visible instead of their floor lamp. Just as he was about to close his eyes back to sleep, he feels something holding him in place by his waist. Little by little, he pulls the comforter off him and what comes into his view is a brunet, nestling his face into his bare stomach.

 

_When did he get on his bed?_

 

Sehun breaks into a fond grin.

 

This is the man..

 

The only man that would make his heart races with a simple gesture. The man he loves all his heart.

There are snores coming out from the older and Sehun can’t help but chuckle at this sight. Gently, so that he won’t wake the latter up, he plants a soft kiss on Junmyeon’s head. His lips linger, inhaling the fruity smell of Junmyeon’s shampoo while caressing the smooth skin of the latter’s exposed shoulder.

He loves morning like this. Sehun just couldn’t get enough.

Carefully, he stretches his arms over the nightstand to grab his camera. Even when Junmyeon is sleeping with his mouth slightly open, he looks effortlessly beautiful that Sehun couldn’t resist capturing the moment.

Funny. Because in Sehun’s camera, there are countless pictures of Junmyeon.

 

Maybe because he is in love.

 

Junmyeon is always his favourite model. Even though Junmyeon is a well-known model, but the best pictures he took are always when Junmyeon has his guard down. When Junmyeon doesn’t even need to pose. He is beautiful just like that.

The sound of camera clicking and flashing fails to hide his subtlety (like always). Junmyeon ended up whining to stop, burying his face completely on Sehun’s stomach. The younger laughs softly and eventually put his camera aside. It doesn’t help really because Junmyeon is already awake and hardly to go back to sleep.

“Why are you up so early?” the brunet mumbles sleepily.

Sehun can feel the latter’s lip brushing on his skin. That’s the best part of cuddling with Junmyeon. Sehun wouldn’t trade anything for their exchanges of skinships. Even though he doesn’t get it often.

“It’s Valentine’s Day, remember? You love waking up early on Valentine’s.”

“Hmmm.” Junmyeon yawns, scratching his head. “I miss waking up to you.” He continues while detaching himself from Sehun to sit up.

Sehun could only stare at the elder’s adorableness as both of his hands go to pinch Junmyeon’s cheeks. “I know, babe.”

They stayed on their bed for a little longer. Both of them fall into a comfortable silence. It is nothing new for them to listen to the rhythm of their breathing. Junmyeon plays with his long slender fingers, fitting their hands together. Sehun genuinely believed that their hands are made for each other. With the amount of pictures he took of their hands, he could easily make an entire photo album for it.

Bringing their clasp hands together, Sehun tenderly kiss Junmyeon’s fingers. One by one. And each kiss, his eyes never left the smaller.

 

 

Since Junmyeon still has time before going to work, he decides it’s time for them to get out of bed. Sehun was the one who climbed down the bed first. When Junmyeon is about to tidy their bed, he feels a strong hand pulling him and in a matter of seconds, Sehun has him over his shoulders.

“Oh my God! Put me down!” the older squeaks.

Shaking his head, Sehun ignores his protest and heads out the room.

It is a scary view for Junmyeon to be hanging upside down but he can’t help but lets out a giggle. Sehun brings them to the kitchen and eventually he puts Junmyeon down on the countertop. “It’s my turn to cook for you.” Sehun declares.

“Will I get a heart-shape pancake or what?” Junmyeon teases while his hand goes to brush Sehun’s hair. The fingers start to massage his scalp and Sehun hums, enjoying every bits of it. His eyes close as he leans into Junmyeon’s touch.

Junmyeon’s touch is intoxicating. Not necessarily in a sexual way. It’s just that Junmyeon is so warm at all times. Sehun has always been the cold type. Together, they make the perfect combination.

After some time, Sehun leans away and pulls his phone out. “Since it’s Valentine’s, let’s play some music, shall we?”

Junmyeon nods before opening his arms wide, indicating a hug. After putting on the classic Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers, Sehun puts his phone down then dive into Junmyeon’s embrace.

Sehun holds him especially tight, lips moving against Junmyeon’s shoulder to carve the words that Sehun has always been sure of.

“I love you, Junmyeon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Can we please go out?”

Junmyeon could no longer resist the urge to go out. It’s Valentine’s Day! Aren’t couples supposed to be out on a date? And here yet, they are sitting in the living room of their shared apartment, doing absolutely nothing. Sehun tries to stay unbothered as he flips onto the next page of his magazine. “I told you, I made plans for us in the evening. You just need to be patient.”

For Sehun, it’s hard to not pay attention to Junmyeon. Especially when he is wearing  _his_  oversize t-shirt and only shorts that are hardly visible. Sehun is fighting the urge to grab his camera and take a picture.

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “Why in the evening? Why can’t we go out now?”

“I don’t want the media to follow us, baby.” The older blushes and immediately his whining put to a stop. Skipping, he makes his way from the window to sit on Sehun’s lap, legs hanging over the armrest while he pulls Sehun’s hand to circle his waist. Sehun could only scoff at the elder’s clinginess but really he enjoys it.

The things Junmyeon does to Sehun. He likes it having to hold Junmyeon so close. It all means he can feel Junmeyon’s warmth radiating and he gets an exclusive close up look of Junmyeon’s face.  _God_ , he wishes his eyes could capture Junmyeon’s beauty and store it forever in his mind.

On a second thought, that doesn’t seem impossible. Instead, he will not only engrave it in his mind, but he will keep it deep in his heart.

“But Ahreum  _noona_  said I have no schedules today.” Junmyeon removes the magazine from Sehun’s grasp and interlace their fingers together. “You know how I barely have a day off” he pouts.

“Should we do something fun, then?” Sehun suggests.

Junmyeon was about to exclaim before Sehun interferes. “Except for going out.”

The excitement in Junmyeon’s eyes immediately washes away as he crosses his arms and sulks.

Finally, Sehun motions Junmyeon to stand up which the latter confusedly does so. Taking hold of his phone, he goes to find a particular song on his playlist. Just a few seconds into the song and Junmyeon immediately recognize the tune.

“River Flows in You? How cliché.”

Ignoring the other’s remark, Sehun takes both of Suho’s arms to wrap it around his shoulders. Junmyeon knows what Sehun wants to do. It’s just like in the movie where the couple romantically dances under the chandelier. Well, minus the gracefulness and the chandelier.

Junmyeon scoffs. Sehun is really a living cliché. But all this cheesiness is making both of them embarrass.

However, thanks to Junmyeon’s bubbly personality, the older mischievously places both of his feet on Sehun’s. The taller was bemused for a second but soon wrap his long limbs around Junmyeon’s body. To think, it’s not really all romantic because Junmyeon isn’t exactly as light as feather and he is stepping on Sehun’s feet for God sake.

Who invented this move and called it romantic anyways? Because the image of them right now doesn’t look the slightest romantic, but rather silly.

However, the one thing that Sehun benefits from this is to feel Junmyeon’s heartbeat against his chest. There’s no better beat than the sound of Junmyeon’s heart.

Lightly, Sehun pecks Junmyeon’s forehead. He sighs in contentment before closing his eyes. As he brings their forehead together, he whispers softly, their lips almost brushing with each other.

“I really love you, Kim Junmyeon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually, Sehun couldn’t resist giving in to Junmyeon’s temptation. Just like always, Junmyeon has him wrapped around his fingers.

They arrive at a building which Junmyeon can decipher as an art gallery where there are people gathering around a painting, or merely photographs of people, objects and landscapes.

Junmyeon is the excited one, pulling Sehun around the building. The younger didn’t mind really because Sehun is one to appreciate art thoroughly. He is a photographer. Thus, he makes art in the simplest way which is capturing it through the lens. Yet, it is also challenging which makes it interesting for Sehun.

 

 

 

“…..Yeap I don’t understand.” Junmyeon exasperates after 60 seconds of staring into a plain canvas that only has a few strokes of paint. “Isn’t this a scam?”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a deep explanation.” Sehun shrugs. If a piece ends up in an art gallery, it probably took a lot of effort from the artist. Though some of the painting doesn’t look so but what does Sehun knows? He is nowhere near an art major.

“Well, I think it is a scam.” Junmyeon says faintly. He is sensible enough to keep his voice hushed thinking what if the artist is actually at a close proximity. It’s not like they even have a clue on what the artist looks like. “Anyways, we should bring your brother here. I think your brother would appreciate all these paintings or whatever.”

“My brother?” Sehun asks, earning a nod from Junmyeon.

Well, that’s kind of true.

Glancing back at the painting, he tries to hide the smile that is fighting to form on his face.

 

Truthfully, Sehun brought Junmyeon here is because of one reason. He knew Junmyeon doesn’t really care much about paintings or the history of it. If it weren’t for his work being displayed at an exhibition, he would’ve brought Junmyeon to a more kid-friendly place like the amusement park for a date.

They enter a hall where there are photographs instead of paintings on the wall and Junmyeon gasps. He went from a picture to another, excitedly making comments on each picture. Thankfully, most of the comments are positive. But there were some where Junmyeon weren’t amused, stating something like  _‘Why is the picture like that?’_

He did a fair job to conceal his nervousness in front of his lover. Otherwise, Junmyeon would’ve questioned about it but the latter is too caught up with being amazed by the pictures. Sehun feels like he could breathe again looking at Junmyeon’s bright smile.

It’s a great moment for Sehun. The two precious things that he dear for life; his work and the person he loves, together in one frame.

“Hey, I know this place!” Junmyeon points to the picture of an old lady situated by a lake, a blanket draped around her. “We’ve been there before, right?!”

Looking at what Junmyeon is pointing, Sehun chuckles.

Of course they’ve been there before. That’s the place where they first met. The memories are still fresh in his mind. How he saw an angel excitedly taking a picture of himself by the lake. Sehun knows the first time he had laid eyes on Junmyeon, he was already whipped.

“Yes, we have. And did you know? The photographer who took that picture said this is the place where he first met his lover.”

Junmyeon stares at him, puzzled. “The photographer told you that? Is he your friend?”

 “Uhh…” the taller stutters trying to not giveaway that he is in fact the photographer. “It’s actually written in the pamphlet that I saw just now. Yeah.” he attempts to cover up.

The older looked at him weirdly before casting his eyes back at the picture, nodding. “Hmm that’s possible. I mean Liuhua Lake Park could be a place for matchmaking, don’t you think?”

Heaving a sigh, Sehun knows Junmyeon doesn’t remember their first encounter. It’s fine, he thinks. Sehun can do all the remembering. As long as Junmyeon stays by his side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“In 3…2…1…Tadaa!”

Sehun removes both of his hands that was covering Junmyeon’s eyes.

Junmyeon took a few seconds to scan where he is before squeaking in glee. He couldn’t hold his excitement as he proceeds to hopping nonstop. It’s a hilarious sight to Sehun. But it’s also a heartwarming sight. He knows Junmyeon would love his surprise.

Here they are, in a café that obviously smells a lot like coffee. However, it isn’t a normal café. Similar to the café where there are cats loitering around, but this time, instead of cats, they are surrounded by rabbits. Small, fluffy rabbits.

There are tears threatening to fall as Junmyeon jumps on Sehun to give him a one big tight hug. He couldn’t fathom whether this is a dream or reality.

With a dash, he goes to pick one of the rabbits and coos. Not a moment later, he picks another then bringing his face to nuzzle with the said animal.

It’s not really easy to find this place. There is abundance of cat cafés all over the world. But only a few of rabbit cafés. And Junmyeon has always been a rabbit person more than a cat person, Sehun knows this. To that reason, he searched for any café that will fulfill his lover’s happiness.

“They are beautiful. Oh my, my children!” Junmyeon cries as he runs to the other side of the room to see more rabbits.

“Calm down, babe. You have all the time you need. Why don’t we order something to drink first?”

The older pouts as he is being dragged by Sehun to the counter. They ordered their drinks and while waiting, Junmyeon took massive amount of pictures. Sehun wouldn’t doubt that the pictures of the rabbits would overpower the amount of Sehun’s pictures in Junmyeon’s phone.

As they take their seat, Junmyeon squeals at the coffee art that is in a shape of a bunny. Again, he takes out his phone, not letting the art go without taking a photo.

Sehun’s Valentines surprise is a success! The smile on Junmyeon’s face adduce that everything was worth doing. From the melodious laughter of Junmyeon to his bright smile that would put the Sun to shame, all of that will remain in his mind for long enough.

They fall into a comfortable conversation. Talking about the bunnies, their friend Luhan’s new movie and even debating which coffee taste better. Everything was light-hearted until Junmyeon brought up the topic of work.

“The agency keeps on pushing me doing CFs and honestly it is exhausting.” Junmyeon complains.

“I thought you love doing commercials?”

“Well, yes. I did. I mean I still do. But the company keeps on pairing me with that rookie model. People are starting to ship the both of us.”

Instead of feeling jealous like he is supposed to, Sehun couldn’t help but cackle. His lover looks so displeased and usually that expression accompanies with Junmyeon scrunching his nose which makes him look funny.

Hearing Sehun’s laughter, Junmyeon glares at his boyfriend. “You’re not supposed to laugh!” That being said only makes Sehun doubled in laughter. Junmyeon wanted to protest even more but decides that he’s too annoyed to do so. “Okay, that’s it. I’m leaving your ass.”

“Oh come on, Junmyeon. I was just kidding.”

 

“Fine.” Junmyeon’s huffs loudly. “Anyways, how’s work in Guangzhou? It must be hard to survive in the business world. You should take a break more often.”

Something in Sehun stills for a moment. The question is rather simple but to Sehun, it’s a wakeup call. He said nothing.

His eyes wander on Junmyeon’s figure. The man is completely oblivious that he is being under Sehun’s gaze. Many things are swirling in his head. He wanted to grab the elder’s hand and tells him that he doesn’t work in Guangzhou. He doesn’t own a company. Heck, he didn’t wear tailored business suits to work. He’s….. not what Junmyeon thinks he is.

Mustering up a smile, Sehun can be quite illusory in front of Junmyeon. “Work’s fine. Same old thing.” he lied.

“Really? Should I be worried?”

“Not really. Well, I’m here, right? I even got the time to prepare this surprise.”

With the last statement, Junmyeon seems to think it is reasonable enough to not question further.

Just in a blink of an eye, it’s almost 8 and the Sun is no longer towering the city. Sehun didn’t keep track of the time and neither did Junmyeon. So when they realize the darkness outside, Junmyeon immediately stands up to say goodbye to the bunnies.

Sehun thinks it’s hilarious how Junmyeon adores rabbits or bunnies so much. Actually, the pretty boy didn’t at first. It started when his fans called him a bunny. And since then, he had declared he was the king of bunnies or something similar to that.

The sight of Junmyeon talking with them in a high voice is supposedly ridiculous. But to Sehun, it just adds another reason to love Kim Junmyeon.

 

Junmyeon jumps a little when he feels Sehun’s hand on his hips. It could be a normal gesture but Sehun’s chest is pressed on Junmyeon’s back and Junmyeon could feel the latter’s breath on his nape.

The thumbs on his hips start to caress him slowly through his sweater. The way it is too slow, too sensual that Junmyeon knows this isn’t an innocent exchange of affection. Sehun could feel Junmyeon stiffens at the contact.

“Babe,” Junmyeon warns.

“Hmm?” the taller hums as he presses one then another peck on Junmyeon’s neck. His hand pulling Junmyeon closer even though there are no spaces left between them.

Thank the Heavens that they are not visible to any other customers. Soon, the pecks on his neck turn into wet kisses as Sehun's lips trail upwards to his jaw. Biting his lip to surpass any noise, Junmyeon cranes his neck to the side to provide more access. In his mind there's a battle of having delicious lips on him or to not get caught making an 18+ scene.

The lips on his jaw are gone and Junmyeon didn’t realize he had his eyes closed until he felt the need to stare at the younger's face. It feels like the time became still as he is lost in the latter’s eyes. Lightly, Sehun bumps their nose together.

He’s waiting. Sehun is waiting for Junmyeon to close the gap.

And when he finally feels Junmyeon's lips on his, everything in him just electrifies.

It all started what was an innocent touch of lips but it soon escalated to something more. Sehun dips his head lower so he can take more of Junmyeon’s lips in between his. God, the taste of Junmyeon is enough to drive him insane as he sucks tenderly on those pink cherry taste lips. Sehun curses the fact that Junmyeon’s been wearing those flavoured lipbalm for his schedules and eventually it becomes a habit. And Junmyeon  _had_  to choose the sweet cherry flavour.

Junmyeon tilts his head to deepen the already hot kiss. One of his hand tangles with Sehun's hair bringing him closer to taste every inch of Sehun's lips. He feels Sehun's hands putting more pressure on his hips as Junmyeon's other hand caresses the latter’s arm. Junmyeon was trying so hard to surpass making any noise that is stuck by his throat.

They parted just to catch their breath but only lasted a while. Both dive in again for another kiss in a matter of seconds. Too caught up in bliss, they forget how many times their lips have connected and disconnected.

Their kiss slowly becomes less hungry. Sehun's slender fingers start to slide into Junmyeon’s sweater to seek for the smooth skin. And that's when Junmyeon is brought back to his sense that they are making a scene in public.

Quickly, Junmyeon leans back, breaking their kiss. Glancing around the café, still, no one saw them and that's a relief. Or else Junmyeon would've been in the front page under the title  _"Model Junmyeon caught getting steamy in a café with boyfriend"._

He pushes himself off Sehun and squint his eyes at him. "I can't believe you did that!"

Sehun clicks his tongue, "Oh  _now_  you’re going to pretend like you didn’t enjoy it. If I remember correctly, someone was quite eager-"

"Okay! Okay! Stop. It's embarrassing!" Junmyeon brings his palms to press them against his ears. Chuckling, Sehun removes the hands as he pulls Junmyeon into his embrace. He wraps his arms around Junmyeon’s shoulder until the said man's head rests on his chest.

He lets Junmyeon hear and feel the fast beating of his heart. Because that's the effect of Junmyeon. The beautiful Kim Junmyeon that Sehun would never dare to let go.

 

 

 

All of their kisses, their heated nights, Sehun learned to cherish them a lot. Because those moments don’t come very often.

Instead, they come only  _once_  in a month.

 

 

Just one day, in every 30 or 31 days.

 

 

"I love you, Kim Junmyeon." He says just like the many times he had today. And just as many times Junmyeon has been told, he too would reply.

 

 

 

 

 

"I love you too,  ** _Yifan_**."

 

 

 

 

 

And every time, it would kill Sehun in the inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_It was autumn when he first met Junmyeon._

_Checking his phone again, he made sure that Yifan had specifically told him to meet at 2 in the afternoon. He didn’t know why Yifan insisted on meeting at a park. Liuhua Lake Park to be exact. Sehun had gotten tired of this park since he practically visits here every autumn. While waiting for his brother, he took out his camera and started to take pictures of random people or objects. It didn’t take a particularly long time to search for his brother. He ends up capturing the male in his lens because the man’s striking hair is hard to not notice._

_When Yifan spotted him, immediately Sehun received a wide gummy smile. A signature smile that Yifan is famous for. It could also be the reason why girls swoon over him but to Sehun, it just looked creepy._

_They hugged each other briefly, after all it had been months since he last saw his brother. Sehun had been staying in Korea with his relatives for quite a long time before he decided to go back to his father’s house._

_Over the phone, Yifan had requested Sehun to spare some time as he wanted to introduce him to someone. Of course, Sehun does know who Yifan wanted him to meet._

_The blond male hadn’t stop rambling about his new boyfriend who happens to be an exchange student from Korea. Yifan had said it’s a love at first sight which Sehun found it cringe-worthy._

_But as Sehun glanced around, he didn’t see anyone clinging to Yifan._

_“So where’s he?”Sehun asked._

_“Junmyeon? He’s uhmm….there.” Yifan muttered, pointing to the direction of a man not far from them._

_The man was busy making a piece sign while holding his phone on the same level of his face. Sehun was sure the man was taking a picture of himself. What surprised him was how small Junmyeon’s frame is. Definitely a contrast to Yifan’s height._

“He’s pretty cute.” _Sehun said in Chinese. “_ You’re one lucky man.”

_Turning his head back to Yifan, he caught the taller staring fondly at his boyfriend._

 

“I know.”

 

 

_Sehun saw Junmyeon a lot. He’s always there with Yifan. Both of them looked extremely blissful together. It got Sehun to feel a tinge of jealousy. Maybe one day he’ll able to find someone for himself too._

_Don’t get him wrong. It’s not that Sehun develop some sort of feelings for Junmyeon. In fact, it’s just pure admiration that he has for Junmyeon. If Sehun is to have a partner one day, he would likely want someone like Junmyeon._

_Kind. Thoughtful. Cheery._

_The Wu’s house is like Junmyeon’s second home, judging from his frequent visit. A contributing factor would probably because his mother reminds Junmyeon of his home in Korea._

_Sehun’s mother is Korean while his dad is Chinese._

_His family has taken adoration of Junmyeon ever since he first step inside the house. Honestly, who would blame them? What’s there not to like in Junmyeon?_

_Sehun was genuinely happy for his brother. Kim Junmyeon was Wu Yifan’s soulmate. He believes that._

_He was there when he witnessed Junmyeon crying into his brother’s chest._

_It was about time. Everyone knew that Junmyeon can’t stay in Guangzhou forever. There will come a time where Junmyeon have to go back home. His real home._

_By the couple’s side stood Sehun and his parents. They watch how Yifan was struggling to not let a tear fall on his face. The younger wanted to say it’s okay to cry. But he knew Yifan was standing strong for Junmyeon._

_When Junmyeon pulled back, Sehun can see the glistening eyes of Junmyeon._

_It hurts. Sehun didn’t know why it pained him when he stared at Junmyeon’s crying face. He wanted to replace that expression with a beaming Junmyeon._

_However, Sehun understood. To Yifan and Junmyeon, this was a start of a long distance relationship._

_“How long will you be staying this time?”_

_Yifan jumped slightly at the voice. He turned around and found Sehun leaning his back on the door frame. The latter stepped closer to him, scanning at the unzipped luggage. “Ge, that doesn’t look like for a few days though.”_

_“One week actually." Yifan said. "I'll be back before Umma's birthday."_

_Ahhh so Yifan will be staying in Korea for one week. Sehun guessed that his brother must have asked Kevin Ge to replace him for a week. This would be the longest Yifan had went to Korea to stay with Junmyeon._

_It's been 4 months since Junmyeon left for his homeland. He would say Yifan didn’t adapt well with the absence of Junmyeon but neither did the smaller._

_There were lots of tears in the first month but they started to get the hang of it. Yifan was a really busy man, Sehun knew this. It's almost impossible for the couple to meet quite often._

_It didn’t help that Junmyeon also landed in one of the top model agencies. Truth be told, Sehun wasn’t as surprise as Yifan did._

_A photographer can sense a great model through his lens. And Junmyeon undoubtedly has a great potential. In fact, it was Sehun who pushed Junmyeon to pursue that path._

_But with fame, Junmyeon too became as busy as Yifan was. But their love never decreased. According to Yifan, the distance only made Junmyeon dependant on him even more. Which was why they settled by seeing each other at least once a month._

_"You guys have come a long way" Sehun smiled softly._

_He was expecting a smile in return, or any remarks. But instead, the elder pressed his lips into a thin line._

_Yifan strode over to his nightstand and took the glass frame in his hand. Two smiling faces greeted him and Sehun had been in Yifan's room too many times to know that it is his picture of Junmyeon and Yifan on the high mountain. It was Sehun who captured it._

_"I'm planning on making him as a part of our family." Yifan said as he turned to look at Sehun. The younger was startled. His brother is going to propose to Junmyeon and that's great!_

_But why does Yifan look so gloomy?_

_"Is there something wrong, Ge?"_

_Yifan placed the frame back to its place before and sigh. A very deep sigh that had Sehun worried for his brother. He pushed his luggage to the other side of the bed so he can sit beside Sehun. Yifan had his hands clasped together as he stared forward._

_"The reason why I want to wed Junmyeon is so that we can be together forever." He started. "Junmyeon is a delicate man, you know that right? Like I said, the distance has him so dependent on me. It's crazy, I didn't think I could love him even more but here I am madly in love with him and vice versa."_

_Though it sounds cheesy, even Yifan laughed at his words, Sehun detected no lies in it. That was how deep their love was and Sehun admired it._

_"I started thinking, what if one day, I just…disappear? What if one day I fuck things up and there's a possible reason he would leave me? Or I would leave him?" Yifan continued._

_Sehun being confused was an understatement. Where did all these insecurities came from? His brother had never spoken like that. This was Sehun’s first time listening to Yifan having an almost breakdown because of how insecure he was with his relationship._

_"Ge, I don't understand..."_

_Yifan closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands before dragging it across his face. "I promised him forever, Sehun. And if I happened to break that promise, I don't know how Junmyeon would be able to live."_

_"Ge,  you will keep that promise."._

_"But what if one day I messed up?"_

_"You won't." Sehun stated firmly. He paused for a while before putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "If you do, I'll help you."_

_Despite Sehun's offer, Yifan shook his head. "Not me. It’s Junmyeon. I want you to take care of him."_

_Out of words, Sehun could only stare at his brother. Why is Yifan asking him this? It's not that Sehun has a problem with the request. As a matter of fact, he would have helped Junmyeon too even without Yifan's request._

_What worried him was the way Yifan said it._

_"If that will make you at ease, then alright..." Sehun uttered after casting Yifan a worried glance._

_At last, Yifan broke into his real gummy smile and pulled his brother into a hug. Sehun had a strange feeling in his stomach. And that feeling was nowhere near good._

_Some says that when your death is near, you can feel it. Some says when your death awaits, there'll be a sign._

_Sehun believes that was what Yifan went through when he packed his stuff for his trip to Korea._

_Because he never had a long week of vacation with Junmyeon. He never made it to Korea. And most importantly, he never had his forever with Junmyeon like he had promised._

_Because Yifan's flight crashed before he can even propose._

_Sehun and his family were informed through a phone call. But Junmyeon. Poor Junmyeon, had to find out when he was watching the news._

_The news was the reason why there were many broken things in Sehun's room. It was why the photographs of his brother that he had taken were scattered on his floor. It was also the cause of the bloodied knuckle and the cracked wall._

_That night, Sehun crawled into Yifan's bed, hugging what's left of his brother's scent. Before he closed his eyes, his eyes landed on the glass frame on the nightstand._

_Junmyeon didn’t attend Yifan's funeral. He didn’t even call that morning. Or evening. Or night._

_He only left a message saying he's busy with an interview._

_The smaller didn't look the best after Yifan's death. It's not like Sehun expected anyone would be. Even Sehun was having a hard time going through the funeral._

_But judging from Junmyeon’s interviews, even the high quality make up products couldn't conceal his worn out expression. He looked terrible. Way terrible than anyone in the Wu family._

_It's stirring awfully rumors about Junmyeon, saying that his company was treating him poorly. Or he had an abusive boyfriend._

_There's only so much Junmyeon can take. Which was why Sehun decided to pay Junmyeon a visit._

_Down his heart, he knew he should've fly to Junmyeon earlier. He was deep in his depression that he had forgotten Junmyeon was mourning too._

_Sehun wasn’t the slightest at peace when Junmyeon didn’t answer his calls or his texts. He was fidgeting in his seat as he stared at the clouds beneath him outside of the window. He's going to land in Korea just in a few minutes. Though he felt guilty coming without an approval from Junmyeon, his instincts were saying that he had too._

_Through Yifan's stuffs that were manage to be found at the death scene, he managed to obtain Junmyeon’s apartment keys. He also got Junmyeon’s manager's number through Yifan's cracked phone. Part of him broke when he unlocked Yifan's almost dead phone and a picture of Junmyeon sleeping peacefully was in the view._

_It tore him apart that they were almost engage. They were almost there to reach their happy ending. But fate has other plans. And it’s just too cruel._

_Sehun had expected Junmyeon to be crying when he arrived. Or maybe curled up on his couch, watching movies to numb the pain. Because that's what Junmyeon would do._

_Therefore, not one tiny bit of his heart was prepared to witness a shocking scene. Having to found Junmyeon already submerged in his bathtub full of water was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen._

_Instantly, without even thinking for a second, he pulled Junmyeon out of the tub with his trembling hands. He took note on how there were lines of scars decorating the pale arms._

_Sehun wanted to cry. He should've known that Yifan's death would make Junmyeon suicidal._

_He should’ve been there for Junmyeon earlier._

_It's been two days since Junmyeon was released from the hospital. The petite male was quiet and didn't utter a single word to Sehun. And Sehun didn’t force him to._

_For the time being, he settled to live with Junmyeon for a while. He can’t let the incident to happen again. He had promised Yifan._

_Slowly, Junmyeon started to open up to Sehun. To Sehun's concern, Junmyeon still refuse to go to psychotherapy. The elder insist that he doesn’t need it._

_Eventually, Sehun dropped the topic because Junmyeon was starting to become himself again. But there were times where Sehun had to pretend he didn’t hear Junmyeon sobbing in the kitchen or in his room._

_Everything was going so well. Sehun thought that there was nothing to worry. Not until the day it was marked one month since Yifan's death._

_There was a sound of crashing in Junmyeon’s room accompany with a wailing. Sehun almost lost his step, trying to hurry to Junmyeon’s room. As he managed to unlock Junmyeon’s room, the room was a wrecking mess. And Junmyeon......._

_He just stared at him with wide eyes._

_Those glossy eyes, it was staring into his soul. The way Junmyeon never did before. But he knew that stare. He had seen it multiple times._

_That stare.......that loving stare....Junmyeon would always give to Yifan._

_"Yifan...." the smaller whispered as the corner of his lips slowly curving upwards. Junmyeon wiped his tears with his sleeve. His voice was hoarse, the after effect of his breakdown._

_Meanwhile, Sehun couldn’t move. Not when Junmyeon was smiling at him, hands reaching for a hug. "I was waiting for you… If you had told me, I would’ve picked you up at the airport."_

_Sehun’s heart dropped at those words._ He… thinks I'm Yifan _. Of course, Sehun do resemble his brother. A lot. Especially when both of them dyed their hair blond. But this.....This is wrong._

_He tried to bring Junmyeon back to his sense but the latter ended up getting furious and Sehun was scared. He was scared that Junmyeon might hurt himself again._

_So he played along._

_For the whole day Sehun was tensed around Junmyeon while Junmyeon showered him with love. He became panic when Junmyeon tried to kiss him. The smaller was obviously disappointed that his kiss was rejected but he didn't say anything._

_When next morning came, Junmyeon greeted Sehun normally in the kitchen. It was as if yesterday didn't happen. He wanted to bring it up but Junmyeon beats him into it._

_"Yesterday, was Yifan's death anniversary, right?"_

_Timidly, Sehun nodded as he scanned Junmyeon’s face. The latter stood in front of Sehun as he continued to spread his favourite peanut butter jam on his bread. "I remember crying that morning, but that's just it. I couldn't remember the rest of the day."_

_So Junmyeon had no memory of him treating him as Yifan, Sehun concludes. He told Junmyeon what happened yesterday and Junmyeon’s eyes widened at the revelation. He kept apologizing to Sehun but Sehun knows it wasn’t Junmyeon’s fault. Maybe it was the heat of the moment._

_It's probably a onetime thing._

_Turns out it wasn't a onetime thing._

_Because it happened again the next month. And Sehun just couldn’t stand seeing Junmyeon’s tears. Listening to his heart, he did it again. He became Yifan for the whole day. This time, he was less stiff than he was last month as he pretends to be his brother._

_"You're asking too much from me, Junmyeon."_

_"Sehun please."_

_"No, Junmyeon! What you're asking me is not going to make you recover."_

_One day, they decided to see the doctor to get clarification about Junmyeon’s odd behavior. The doctor said that Junmyeon suffers a rare case of PTSD._

It’s okay _. Sehun thinks. Because he will be here by Junmyeon’s side to help him recover. However, Junmyeon’s request will only make it worse._

_"Sehun, you said it yourself I was happy. Please. At least..... I get to feel like I'm with him. Even if it just for one day."_

_Pulling his hair, Sehun wanted to scream that he's there. He's there to help Junmyeon forget the pain. But why is Junmyeon not willing to let go of the past?_

_Sehun knows the answer to that. Despite it, the pain in his heart doesn't lessen. It didn't stop him from falling into Junmyeon."I beg you please. Just play along every month. We don't have to talk about it the day after." Junmyeon plead._

_"That's insane! How can I continue to reject your kisses and your touches?"_

_Junmyeon was silent as he stared at the ground. It couldn’t be…_

_Sehun scoffed in disbelief when he knew what Junmyeon was thinking. "You want me to do those things to you, don’t you? You would go as far as that just so you can feel like you’re with him?"_

_Junmyeon knew he was being selfish. He knew what he was asking was burdening to Sehun. Of course Sehun would feel uncomfortable having to kiss his brother's boyfriend. Gosh what was he thinking?_

_He was going to say 'forget it' and just surrender to psychotherapy. It was a terrible idea in the first place. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Sehun beats him into it._

_"I...." Sehun started. "Fine. I'll do it." He sighed in defeat._

_Because at the end of the day, Sehun is stupid. Stupidly in love with Junmyeon. He craves for Junmyeon’s touch even though he doesn't want to admit. He wants to feel the softness of Junmyeon’s lips. If that’s how far Junmyeon will go just to feel like Yifan is near him, then this is how far Sehun will go just to feel like Junmyeon belongs to him._

_The elder sent him a weak smile of gratitude. He knew that the both of them were signing up for something messy._

_As for Sehun, he's only killing himself. If there's another way he would make Junmyeon fall for him, he would have taken that path. Sadly, there's isn’t. And that's how Sehun finds himself pretending to be his brother every 14th for the past 15 months._

_His friends called him a fool for doing so. Even his parents weren’t too pleased with the idea._

_But Junmyeon was there every month to kiss the thoughts away. And for the other days of the month, he gets to wait for Junmyeon with dinner takeouts. He gets to watch reruns of Junmyeon’s favourite cliché shows together._

_It dawns to him that maybe pretending to be Yifan for one day every month isn't so bad. Not when he has Junmyeon by his side every other day._

_Maybe Junmyeon will move on, or maybe he won't. Sehun is already foolishly contended._

Sehun glances at the clock on the nightstand, just over Junmyeon's shoulder. It's already 1 am and neither of them wanted to drift off to dreamland first.

They had their hands clasped together in between them. Sehun’s other hand goes to trace circles on Junmyeon’s arms. Just staring at Junmyeon like this makes him feel grateful that he's still breathing.

Junmyeon became all too aware of Sehun's gaze. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Sehun smiles. He has always looked at Junmyeon this way. It is when Junmyeon makes him breakfast that has him staring fondly at the smaller. It is when Junmyeon does his little dance moves as he jams to his favourite song that had Sehun falls into laughter. Those were the times that he couldn't help but fall deeper and deeper.

"I've always looked at you like this, Junmyeon. Every single day."

_Only you haven't noticed it._

Scrunching his nose, he slaps Sehun's arm, saying it's cheesy and he should work on not making him cringe. Junmyeon shifts closer so he can rest his forehead under Sehun's chin. He heaves out a sleepy yawn. "You know, you always say the three words at any given time. Don't you think you'll get tired of saying it? Perhaps it's my turn to say it often."

To this, Sehun slowly shakes his head, making Junmyeon crane his neck to look up to Sehun. However, when he sees the younger's eyes are closed, he pouts, resting back his forehead to where it was.

"Nope.” Sehun whispered softly but audible for Junmyeon. “In fact, Kim Junmyeon. Let me do all the ‘I love you’s"

“Why?” the smaller questions sleepily.

Opening his eyes, he stares at nothing in the darkness. He already has an answer to that. The words were threatening to come out. Sehun really wanted to say it. But he knows Junmyeon won’t remember it the next day. It doesn’t matter to him. Or anyone. Instead, he only pulls the smaller closer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Cause I'm the only one who means it._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: I won't get bricked for this right? T__T But I hope you enjoy this!!!  


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